How 'bout screw you, canon?
by TheLadyMuse
Summary: A Bellona kicks ass and takes names. She might be the concubine of a Boss, or she might fuck his right hand. You never know- except they don't take the seat of Vongola Wife. Chapters 4/11 are up.
1. Hayato's Sofia

After the fight with Hibari, Gokudera Hayato limped home to the apartment several blocks from the Sawada home (and, for those interested, nowhere near the Irie residence), gratefully surprised to discover his door was unlocked.

It would only be unlocked if one person was waiting inside. The super had been bribed to leave him alone unless the boss came calling, and only _she_ had a key. Sofia Bellamy, his lover, best friend and occasional mission partner, was reclined on his bed, naked. She roused herself the moment she heard him stumble in the doorway. Instead of crying out his name as she clearly wanted to, worried brown eyes scanned his body as she got up, delicate gunman's hands reaching for him. Hayato fell into her arms with a groan.

Sofia murmured to him, panic held at bay as she shuffled him to the couch. His protest when she walked away was cut off by a low intonation of his name, a warning to heed her as she rummaged for the first aid kit. Shamal-approved, it had served well through similar crises.

Once Sofia had stripped his clothes and inspected the rest of him, she pursed her lips and decided

"Bath. Then food and sleep." He wanted to protest again, that they only had so much time together before she had to leave, but the dull pain in his chest overrode his desires.

It didn't take long to get cleaned, rewrapped, fed and tucked into bed. Sofia crawled in to spoon him from behind, and Hayato felt like he could finally rest.

Groaning as he rose the next morning, he was surprised and pleased that she'd remained with him. Normally, Sofia was gone before he woke, the duties of the Vongola's sole Bellona many and varied. She smiled softly at him, reaching up to tuck his hair behind his ears and cup his cheek. His voice was gruff when he spoke

"You're still here." Sofia hummed, eyes dancing as she whispered

"The Ninth reassigned me to Sawada's retinue when my sister and our aunt made a stink about not knowing the Master I would serve for most of my life. That you're here is secondary- so says Aunt Carmen." Chuckling, Hayato slid over top of her. Dipping his head to blow on her ear, he whispered

"Remind me to thank your Aunt Carmen, then." Sofia arched beneath him, laugh throaty as she replied

"Oh, I already did." Her arms link around his neck and her leg comes up, swinging over at the knee to curl around his back. He has school today, she has to register for classes, but Hayato doesn't give a damn.

"Condom?" He breathes the question against her neck, hissing when he jars his battered ribs, groaning in pleasure when she pants back smugly

"I-IUD, no need for o-one." Pinning her wrists, he grinds out

"Get ready, baby girl." Her eyes flash with arousal, and she almost chokes as she ruts against him, the way his hands retreat to lift her hips making it even easier. Sofia's breaths are short and quick, both legs coiled around his hips, arms braced on the bed.

He slides into her sheath as easy as breathing. She moans his name as he leans over, lowering their joined bodies as he takes his turn to rut against her hips. Distantly, he hears a knock on the door, ignores it. He doesn't care about anything except banging the girl on his cock.

And that is how Sawada Tsunayoshi met his chief Assassin-for-hire. He walked in and froze in the bedroom doorway as the Italian girl's eyes rolled back and she moaned

"Ah, ah, Hay-ah-ah-to!" Given he hadn't made a sound when he walked through the unlocked door, Tsuna wasn't heard as his self-proclaimed right hand shouted victoriously through his own orgasm. Tsuna very wisely walked back out and met Sofia at school when Gokudera introduced them.

The next person to catch Gokudera-kun and 'Bellona-hime' en flagrante delicto is Haru. Who is at first unsure what she's seeing when Bad Boy Gokudera tugs Good Girl Vongola Bellona to a secluded alley near Namimori Middle and pushes her against the wall and kisses her roughly.

"Hey! Get off her!" Haru tries to interfere, striking Gokudera's head to get him off Tsuna-kun's friend. Or she would have, except Vongola-san's left hand had snapped out to take her wrist in a crushing grip. Furious brown eyes glared at her over a rangy shoulder. Haru blinked, cringing when Vongola-san snarled venomously

"Try to hit Hayato again and they won't know where to look for your corpse!" Green eyes glinted as Gokudera glanced over his shoulder at Haru, smirking at her before turning to hoist Sofia against the wall by the ass. Her grip on Haru's wrist goes slack, and Hayato chuckles to himself as he starts fingering her, laughing when she drops Haru's wrist as she goes limp in his grasp. Haru squeaks when Sofia adjusts her legs around Hayato and moans when he hits her G-Spot.

Tsuna meets Haru's eyes knowingly when she scurries back to him. The others don't understand, but the way it's going, they will. Oh boy, they will.

Yamamoto Takeshi is one of the several people who catch Vongola-san blowing Gokudera-kun. While the guys are looking on enviously and the girls are fainting, Takeshi is the only one noting that neither of them cares that they were caught. Considering they chose a secluded part of the park, it's actually surprising they got caught. But it's more surprising that the kneeling girl is ignoring them in favour of sucking on Gokudera's cock, though maybe she's slurping more noisily than before for a reason.

Kyoko and Hana don't actually catch them being totally indecent. When Kyoko invites Bellona to a slumber party, Gokudera walks her over to the Sasagawa house, sweeping her into a passionate goodbye kiss before leaving. When Hana raises a brow and Kyoko blushes, Bellona yawns and says simply

"We were raised in Italy, everything is more passionately expressed over there." Shooting a smirk at a trembling Haru as she glides into the house, Bellona yawns again before lounging on the floor. When Kyoko curiously asks her how she's so 'mature' and Hana reluctantly nods in agreement, Haru's own head bob silent, Bellona answers lazily

"You all are kittens to my lion cub. Deal with it."

It's not that Sofia is a bitch. She's genuinely nice unless you threaten Hayato or Tsuna, and if you even think of trying anything on Sawada Nana, she'll get downright unpleasant. Sofia's issue is that her father tried to sell her to the Ninth as a concubine, either for him or his sons, as he'd done with her older sister Maria. When he'd known full well she'd already promised herself to Hayato.

Maria, like their Aunt Carmen, was first the concubine, and then the wife of a Cavallone man. Thankfully, Erik had sold Maria to Dino's father, who had taken one look at the fierce little boxer and remembered the girl his son had befriended. Timoteo had already known about Sofia's predicament, courtesy of Hayato. Purchasing her had won him Hayato's gratitude, making her free but for the contracts he needed to be fulfilled had won him both their loyalty.

If not for those chances of fate, Sofia knows, the chances of her ending up in the bed of an asshole were much higher. Even Carmen marrying Romario is likely a fluke.

So she's protective of Hayato and the Vongola, and it makes her vicious.

These girls might end up being the mothers of a good deal of the next generation of Vongola, and it kind of disgusts Sofia. She's a sniper, trained and tested with a high success rate, capable enough in close combat to fend off most opponents. Hayato is an explosives expert and a certified _genius._ Mob and or criminal legacies spanning at least a few generations, any offspring they produce is likely to be just as proficient as they are in the art of killing.

Lying on Sasagawa Kyoko's floor, Sofia has a realization.

Yes, the fact that none of these girls are combat capable irritates her.

However, she has three choices:

Whine and do nothing (doesn't interest her, it's not in her nature to lament).

Shut up and let it go (the riskiest option, considering the lifestyle she's involved in).

Or.

Or she could whip their asses into shape.

She knows how to teach combat, knows how to convince them. Kyoko will be the easiest, with a touch of tough love. But the question remains- should she? Sofia can rationalize this decision easy, no problem, can even force them to keep it a secret.

But should she do this? They don't know how to defend themselves and this might be an oversight, or it could be Reborn's thoughts all along, tricking her into doing what needs to be done. Chewing her lip, Sofia decided

 _At the very least, I can make sure they can run away, and that they know when to. And I_ will _do this. The pen is mightier than the sword, but my will is stronger still. I don't care about them beyond that the Boss cares about preserving life where possible. I'm not that good, I've never cared about anyone beyond the Alliance since Timoteo paid for my release._

 _This won't make up for the lives I've taken. I'm still going to Hell. But maybe I protect the Juudaime's heart by teaching them to protect themselves. Maybe._

"Alright, up and at 'em, Maggots!" She barked, rolling to her feet and marching out the door, snickering when the three little morons followed her. When they had combat skill, she wouldn't call them morons. Maybe.

Dropping into a stretch on the sidewalk, she glanced at the dumbfounded trio and explained tersely

"I'm going to teach you how to fight." She shot down the inevitable protests by mentioning coolly

"Ryohei could use backup sometimes, Lambo-san finds power attractive (not a lie, she knows, having been swapped with the ten-year bazooka in time to hear him ramble over the subject) and Tsuna also needs backup on occasion." Stifling a chuckle at their newfound eagerness, Sofia starts them on a month of running and callisthenics. She could be cruel about their training, she knows, and that will come later, after yoga and weight lifting and routine workouts have done their job. Unlike Reborn, she has the luxury of easing her students into this.

It's kind of fun, teaching them to plan and cook healthy, easy meals that can be transferred just as easily to a bento box. When she starts them on actual sparring, Sofia drags them to an older dojo and blasts rock music as she throws them onto the hardwood floor. Instead of the boxing pose learned from watching Ryohei fight, Sofia forces Kyoko to adopt a bladed open hand ready stance. Hana learns the drop crouch Sofia herself and her sister Maria favour, while Haru quickly adapts to the odd cat stances of the martial art Sofia had learned from Aunt Carmen. All three apply themselves after that first rush of power from a properly executed throw or spinning kick or elbow.

At first, Sofia hadn't intended for her students to fight if they didn't have to, though sparring, they admit, is a great stress reliever. Sofia never mentions that she spars with others regularly, because it would have crushed their fledgeling confidence.

But then someone tries to flirt with and touch Kyoko four months after she started learning to fight, and six after she started working out. With an unearthly- and frankly, uncharacteristic snarl- she slams her elbow into his nose before kicking him in the gut. Kyoko grins when Sofia slides over, reefing the assailants' wrists behind his back, jerking her knee into his back and muttering in his ear

"I don't think you want to mess with the tiger cub, do you, hot shot?" He gulps, shakes his head, and pales when Hana, examining her nails, adds

"This Panther doesn't like people picking on her best friend." Haru bows cutely, bearing her teeth in a hunters' promise and says perkily

"A Leopardess doesn't change her spots, you know?" would-be assailant sputters, looking absurdly grateful when Gokudera hums and asks silkily

"Isn't that enough, _Lioness_ _?"_ Sofia shoves the idiot away from her and purrs

"Ah, _Lion,_ are you asking me to behave?" while the would-be flirt scrambles away, Gokudera regards his lover with a mix of passion and wry humour that catches his friends by surprise and her students off guard. Tilting her head with a huff, Sofia blows him a kiss and says breezily

"I'll catch you at home, hmm? I've got teaching to do." He nods, smiling when Haru, Hana and Kyoko exchange grins.

The boys, of course, high tail after them, Ryohei caught between pride and confusion. Watching the sparring session sparks something in Tsuna. That something blazes into flame when he overhears Sofia lecturing the girls on 'finding the best domestic partner'. It must, she insists, be someone of equal strength, be it the heart, the mind, or the body. Someone worthy of standing with them.

It takes exactly seven months to break Kurokawa Hana's infatuation with Bovino Lambo. She realizes, the moment she sees Bellona-sensei whirl around the dojo floor to the piano music spilling from the radio in the arms of Gokudera Hayato, that Lambo is not _enough._ Handsome and flirty and 'mature' when he's here, yes, but Sofia has taught her to fight, has shown her that she's willing to scream and bleed for what matters to her.

So when her best friends' brother asks for a dance, almost shyly fiddling with the wrapping on his hands, she accepts, happily surprised when he guides her into the same style of dance as Gokudera and Bellona.

Kyoko and Haru want their happy endings too, of course. But Yamamoto is yet oblivious and Tsuna has accepted he's got work to do if he's to be 'acceptable. The only ones without clear prospects of any kind are Chrome and Kyoya, but even that is no open and shut case, Sofia knows.

Chrome will probably end up in bed with Rokudo Mukuro's men, one or both, at least once. It's the natural order of things, considering hormones. As for Hibari and I-pin, an age gap of ten years, though rocky in the time, and for several years hence, is not untenable, if, say, they can wait fifteen years.

A flight of fancy, maybe. But Sofia knows that reality is not what is; oh no, reality is seeing what could be and choosing to act, to believe.

Her reality has always been Hayato. Loving him and being loved by him, since before it was romantic, before bastard children, concubines and sex itself entered their little world, it's always been Hayato. Maybe she wouldn't have gotten out of what her father tried to do. But Nono chose to do what would help her, and now, her reality is the reality she shares with Hayato: they are the loyal servants of the Vongola Decimo, Sawada Tsunayoshi.

 **A/N: Please email me with prompts! The address is on my profile if you'd rather not pm. All fandoms I write for (or, challenge me to enter a new one). Also, check out the fan blog on my profile, if you please.**


	2. Squalo's Paola and Xanxus' Alessandra

**This is an AU chapter where Squalo and Xanxus have Bellonas.**

Since he was much younger, Squalo Superbi has known he _won't_ get a Bellona bride of his own. That has always been fine with him, more time for himself, he assumes. Even if he envies his older brother having the marriage to one of those beautiful snipers because that means he'll never fight alone, he lets it go.

And then he meets the girl he is introduced to as Bellona Superbi Seconda, the sister of his brothers' bride, and who later tells him (so far later, he has known Dino and his Bellona for years, has met Xanxus) her name is Paola. What surprises him is not being gifted her (her mother and father are dead, and her brother is a Don), not when Bellona Superbi Prima had begged and pleaded for her sister to be taken care of, but that she wants to learn the blade.

Born a natural assassin as all her mother's people are, little Bellona quickly takes to Squalo's style, gleefully complementing his speed training by using him as moving target practice. Squalo quickly develops a possessiveness over his Bellona, confusing all his schoolmates but Dino Cavallone, for whom insults to his Bellona are far worse than insults to him. Dino and Bellona Cavallone gift him understanding smiles, and his Paola blooms in her gentler cousins' care.

Xanxus, two years older and infinitely stronger, originally disdains his right hand's protectiveness of the girl eternally at his side. And then he overhears a conversation, not long before Squalo plans to confront the Sword Emperor.

"Squalo," She begins, falters, and proceeds resolutely when Squalo cups her hands in his.

"I know how you think, that in order to understand the Emperor, you will have to cut off your hand, but I am begging you, Squalo, don't." Her voice has wobbled, and Xanxus can hear the tears. Grimacing, he would turn away if the next words she says hadn't rocked his world.

"My family has always believed that a Don is who you die for, but that the people you live for are far more important. Squalo, please, I'm so scared that you'll break yourself so bad that by the time you come home, I can't help you." Xanxus flees from that conversation, considering that it made him _want._ A warm, adoring, perpetually armed girl of his own. Someone who didn't care that he wasn't actually Timoteo's son. Someone who wanted to keep him from breaking.

Within a week of taking the Varia, Squalo Superbi has made it clear that despite not having married her yet, Superbi Seconda is his, totally and freaking completely, and the gunshots when Squalo is disobeyed are only further proof.

Xanxus decides to interview Don Erik Bellamy after witnessing Bellona Varia and Bellona Cavallone's shared rampage over attempted assassinations on Dino and Squalo. Both ladies had impressed him, their loyalty and skill so fucking obvious he didn't know why they were content to just be Mafia wives for the most part.

At sixteen, Xanxus is capable of negotiating his own contracts, at least in this. So he goes, and when he meets Alessandra Bellamy, he is captivated. Long blonde hair and wintry eyes of blue and grey and green are only the beginning of a beautiful woman. She hunts him down, like a little cat, landing scratches on his arms and knocking his guns from his hands before kicking the crap out of him 'because she can'. She rises from the crouch she landed in as he stands and informs him

"So long as your intent is to become the Vongola Boss, Bellona brides will be unavailable to you. We accept power, yes, but we refuse to stand at the top. If you wish to remain head of the Varia-" Her nostrils flare, and she finishes bitingly

"Despite that being rightfully Squalo's position, then you can choose a Bride from any of our Unclaimed." Alessandra swipes a stray knife from the ground, pausing when Xanxus asks

"Why Bellona?" Pulling in a breath through her nose, Alessandra replies, heaviness to her shoulders

"So that it appears we're only women. You've met Colonello, yes?" He nods warily, biting back a yelp when she states

"He became an Arcobaleno in the attempt to protect someone he loves. When our sons aren't saddled with responsibility, they search out a cause and usually die in it's name before they're twenty." Another pause, then, softer

"My brother died to give me the right to choose."

That.

That cuts through the fog in his mind. Alessandra is heartbreakingly aware of the lifestyle, has the right to choose who she ties herself too, and he wants to be that, at least for now. But Alessandra isn't finished.

"Bellona is a war goddess of ancient Rome, and we apply the moniker to our best and brightest because it makes us impersonal, blurs out the individual to make us a collective. It makes us harder to pinpoint and target."

Xanxus shifts his feet and gazes at her. Alessandra looks back, shattered eyes downcast, feet braced, and whatever she sees in his eyes, it makes her toss her hair over her shoulder and tip her chin into the air. Rolling his shoulders, Xanxus extends a hand and asks

"Will you be my Bellona, Alessandra Bellamy?" She eyes him warily, acceding only when he swears

"So long as you are my Bellona, I will not pursue Boss Vongola." A pale hand slowly reaches for his, red eyes widening when she curled elegant fingers against his palm, pulling his arm away from his side and stepping in to kiss his cheek, leaning her forehead against his jaw before murmuring

"Call me Varia." He nods, grimacing when he realizes Squalo will scream when he realizes Xanxus has brought back a Bellona capable of monopolizing _his_ Bellona. Pausing, Xanxus considers asking about her cousins' name, only to start when Alessandra slips a hand under his shirt. She snickers at him and reprimands in a low voice

"Training and reading can only take up so much time, Xanxus. Unless you're opposed…" She cackled when he grunted, and laughed when he swept her over his shoulder and carted her to her current Don, Erik Bellamy. Who smirked at Xanxus and handed him a brand new contract requiring the young Boss' signature.

Dragging a blonde Bellona with a messy mane into Varia headquarters gets him gawked at, plunking her on her ass on his bed and fucking her until she screams in delighted pleasure gives him the vicious satisfaction of both his orgasm and the look of constipation on Squalo's face when Bellona Superbi Seconda realized Xanxus was screwing her older cousin.

Alessandra flicked a knife at her baby cousin and raised a brow. Bellona Superbi snarled

"He wants Don Vongola!" Alessandra threw another knife, grunting before patting the revolver on her thigh, drawling

"Kitten, he knows the moment he pursues Don Vongola, this cat is gone." Bellona Superbi ambled to her seat at the table, smiling only once Squalo pulled her into his lap. The younger Bellona grumbled

"We should tell them our real names. Bellona Superbi Seconda is really long, and Varia is an organization, not a woman." Alessandra nodded and patted Xanxus' hand as she seated herself to his left. The others crowded around as Alessandra turned and tilted her head at her cousin. Who nodded and sounded off

"Paola Chiara Bellamy, I was nicknamed the 'little wildcat' by my trainer and gained the 'Kitten' moniker because of it." Tilting her head back in the direction of her cousin, Paola smirked when she purred back

"Alessandra Olivia Bellamy, Charteux. For my French father."

In the end, the 'Cradle Incident' that happened in so many universes simply does not happen here. Squalo's 'Sword Style Stomping Tour' is altered in that a cheeky Paola points out that defeating and not killing his opponents guarantees they'll train to rechallenge him.

Xanxus agrees with a false grumble when Alessandra demands he train Tsunayoshi after his brothers' deaths. Squalo (whose been fucking Paola for years by then) is horrified when his Bellona asks him to accompany Xanxus while she's on a mission.

Of course, they go, tutor the next generation into badassery, and they are surprised, to see another pair of Bellonas, but not really, not truly. Sofia and Maria are as dark as Paola, even look like her, but Squalo know they aren't his goddess of war.

Finally, finally, Squalo can return to his woman.

He is very, very pleased to be able to approach her in a practice room, to lay her down on the mat to the sound of her breathy whines and to fuck her until she screams, her hands clawing at his back and shoulders, hips stuttering against his own.

He loves her, but he won't tell her. Not here, where anyone can hear, can use against them if the situation might call for them. All the Varia know is that both the Boss and his Second like fucking the Bellonas anytime, anywhere.

An effective camouflage, given most can't tell Paola and Alessandra apart. They are so very different, but seemingly interchangeable enough that most observers believe one is as good as the other.

Lie.

At least for Squalo. Paola is _his,_ and not even Xanxus will take her from him. That thought rides at the forefront of his mind as he tosses Paola over his shoulder, arm vibrating with her chuckles as he marches to their room.

Tossing her onto the bed, he turns her over, growls a warning about moving her hands as he pulls on a condom grabbed from the bedside table and after giving it a moment of thought, grabs a glove and tube of lube from the drawer. Snapping on the glove, Squalo smears lube onto the glove and then his cock. Cupping Paola's belly with one hand, he works his fingers into her ass, smirking when she pants and flexes her hips, her cum dripping onto the blanket below them. Once he's loosened her sweet ass, Squalo strips off the glove, tossing it into the trashcan, grimacing when Paola reached for the bedside drawer. Working quickly, he grabbed one of the wipes, cleaned his hand and her belly, tossing that into bin too, before _finally_ sliding his cock home.

Paola's tight around him, choking around the fullness of their joining, when he thrusts again, she squeaks his name, but it's barely a whisper of sound. The way he's pinned her, there's nothing she can do but take him, and he knows she hates not being able to see him, but he enjoys nailing her ass so much she lets him.

Only once he's pulled out and pulled off the condom, tied off and in the trashcan, and pulling her close, does he murmur

"Love you." She mumbles a reply, and they drift off together.

 **A/N: Please email me with prompts! All fandoms I write for (or, challenge to enter a new one). Also, check out the fan blog on my profile, if you please.**


	3. Dino's Maria

Unlike her sister, Maria Bellamy was not a fey creature. Oh, don't mistake this for being ugly. To the contrary, Maria was just as beautiful, simply different. Her features were blunter, darker, but the same basic shape and balance. Also, unlike her sister, she fell in love with the man she was meant for. Long before he was the man he was meant to be, she loved Dino Cavallone.

Unfortunately, she never believed he loved her. Not until several years later.

It began the night after their wedding. Young at nineteen and twenty-one, they'd played like the children they'd never had the chance to be, making his Family snicker as she ducked around them as he chased her for tag. Dino's brown eyes met hers, dancing with mirth as they posed for the pictures that would fill their wedding album.

Maria was breathless with anticipation for what would follow the reception, having had the sex education as required by Carmen. Dino pinned her to the door and kissed her thoroughly, humming wickedly when she moaned into his mouth. Giggling when he tripped into their bed, Maria arched beneath his fingers as he shoved her gown up, groaning when he ducked down beneath her gown to explore.

"Help me get it off." The heavy silence between them frightened Maria, but Dino obliged her, inwardly delighted to press her into his chest to unzip her dress. Twirling her around, he tugged the dress down impatiently, astonished when Maria boldly stepped out of the circle of fabric to turn and press her lips to his. Lifting her up again, he carefully placed her on the bed, murmuring

"Gimme a sec, sweetheart." Little did he know, his bride's breath had caught on that one sentence. She moaned as he stripped off his suit, earning a chuckle from her new husband. After that, there wasn't much use for words.

If it was too easy to catch Sofia and Hayato being affectionate, it was near impossible to catch Maria and Dino. Part of it was that while Dino was a boss, later tutoring Hibari and making semi-regular trips to Japan, Maria was, like her sister, an ace sniper. Given that she was the eldest active Bellona in the Alliance, Maria was pretty busy.

Not so busy she didn't stop in to see Hibari's ring battle. Dark hair streaming down her back in a waterfall, she stood as close to Dino as possible, eying Xanxus and Squalo over her shoulder, only Dino's hands on her hips keeping her from whirling around and firing.

Where were Paola and Alessandra? The question bubbled in the back of her mind, even as pride filtered into her chest over the way Hibari performed. Will he want a Bellona? He's well suited for one, so the only issue would be little I-Pin…

When Squalo lay horribly still in his hospital bed, she leaned over him and hissed

"Where in the Nine Circles is your Bellona?" He blinked, rasping out

"Mission. Didn't want to risk-" He tensed from the pain in his ribs, falling silent.

What's going on? Paola would never have left Squalo, although, if Alessandra only knew that Xanxus was gone, she would've gone off the deep end. If Squalo ordered her to remain with Alessandra- he would know of a Bellona's Vow, after all- maybe he is better suited to Paola than the elders originally believed.

Lips pursed, Maria ordered

"Blink once for no, twice for no." Squalo rolled his eyes but did blinked twice.

Nose twitching, Maria demanded

"Does Alessandra know what Xanxus is doing?" A blink, so she asked another question

"Does Paola know you were going to be stupid with your life?" A sucked in breath, and then a single blink. Shaking her head, Maria directed

"Last question. Does either of them know Xanxus is free?" A double blink, and then Squalo mumbled

"Paola's been d'stractin' Alessandra so Xanxus c'uld r'cover, voi."

Pressing her fingers to her temples, Maria walked out of the room, curtly informing her husband that her cousins would be eviscerating Squalo and Xanxus before placing a phone call.

Cringing on a wince, Maria listened to the yelling. Alessandra was furious that Xanxus had thought killing the Ninth was the answer, but she'd thought he was dead. Knowing now that he didn't value what the Ninth had done for him, she was vowing a fitting revenge. Maria bit back a groan when Paola reminded their cousin that her relationship with Xanxus was technically illegal anyway, as he was frozen as a sixteen year old. Instead of listening to Alessandra's raging about how 'it wasn't fair, what happened to Xanxus' Maria put in

"Squalo did something stupid, Paola." A huff, then

"Stupider than cutting off his damn hand?" Swallowing, Maria confirmed

"He lost a challenge to Tsunayoshi's Rain, refused help when said Rain offered it, in a water filled battlefield where a shark had been released. Only Dino sending his men to help Yamamoto- the Rain- saved Squalo." Paola let out a startled little whine, before asking shakily

"Can you put the phone next to his ear?" Glancing around, Maria said briskly

"I probably shouldn't do anything to interfere with his machines, can I put you on speaker?" A little sniff, and then a wobbly

"Sure."

Clicking the button, she kept a hand on Squalo's chest. He glared at her irritably, freezing when Paola spoke, her voice tinny because the phone wasn't perfect.

"Squalo?" The small, hurt voice came over the line, cowing Squalo as he mumbled

"Paola." She swallowed and said gently (gently as an assassin who only knows how to lash out when she's hurt can)

"Squalo Superbi, I am so upset with you. This is as bad as when you challenged Tyr, do you hear me?" He winced, shaping words with his mouth, but Paola kept going

"I know why you kept this from me, but I'm still upset, Squalo. I've loved you for so long that if you think I'd be okay with you throwing your life away, you're dead wrong." Squalo groaned, moaning when she added sternly

"I'll be in Namimori soon. Be good for Dino and Maria, I love you." Squalo swallowed and replied meekly

"Love you."

Of course, Alessandra and Paola didn't show up until Xanxus was facedown in the dirt. Both women were dressed in snipers' leather, Paola with an anti-tank rifle on her back and a belt of throwing knives from left shoulder to right hip, Alessandra with long barrel revolvers holstered on her thighs and a crossbow on her back.

Alessandra drew one of her revolvers and toed Xanxus onto his back as she cocked the trigger. He jerked in surprise, shouting until her arm whipped in the direction of the Cervello agents, a single shot smoking over their heads. Sweeping it back to him, she snarled

"Oathbreaker!" Cocking it again, she spoke quickly

"I, Alessandra of the Bellamy, resign my post as Bellona Varia." Breathing heavily, she hissed

"Do not look for me until you're ready to accede Vongola, you fucking asshole!"

And that was how it was, for a good long while. Paola returned to Squalo immediately, cradling his face in her hands and cooing to him sweetly. Alessandra remained gone, and then in the future (the one that wouldn't be) Tsuna was horrified to discover that the high profile Bellonas had been Millefiore's first targets. Maria, Sofia, Paola and even Alessandra were expected, given that the last had returned to the Varia three years later after a tempestuous reconciliation with Xanxus. What burned was that the first to die was Carmen, long retired Cavallone Bellona. Her and each of her nieces were captured, and then vivisected, the torture filmed and then sent to their boss. The only reason, the rumours said, that they hadn't been raped was that anything less than absolute pain did not deter them from their target.

Once that horrible future had been averted, Tsunayoshi requested Maria and Sofia infiltrate the Justice League and the attached ops team. Given that all their previous trysts, barring their wedding night had been clandestine, hurried things crammed into their schedules, Maria was more than shocked when Dino whisked her away. Not that he was the only one. Since several other women had insisted on accompanying the Bellamy sisters on their mission, there were goodbyes to be said.

Maria shuddered beneath her husband, body fluttering on his cock as he pinned her hands, and then he rolled them smoothly, hefting her thighs in his hands as he kicked himself up the bed, holding her just on the tip of his cock until his back met the headboard. Maria was a little confused. They'd really only ever done missionary, but she got with the program when he gasped out

"Grab my shoulders." She obeyed, placing her feet on the mattress as Dino gripped the headboard, blond hair falling in his eyes before he whispered

"Do it, Maria. Ride your Bronco." Blinking, Maria tensed above him for a moment, and then, pursing her lips, clenched around the head of his cock, enjoying the strangled sound he made before exhaling as she dropped down on him, taking him in to the hilt. Pulling one hand away as she clenched around him again, Maria prodded at the padded part of her lower abdomen where Dino's cock fit snuggly inside. Dino's knees came up behind her, enough that she could lean back against them, squeezing her cunt around his cock in time to her breathing, stroking his tattooed arm lazily.

Dino watched her from under hooded eyes. Even when her left hand drifted over his stomach, she showed no intention of actually riding him. It wasn't disappointing, per se, just… Unexpected. She smirked at him, combing elegant fingers through his hair before leaning forward and murmuring

"If you want me to ride you, slip down so you'll be more comfortable." Grunting, he slid forward, grabbing her hips to raise her to the sky before settling her back down on his cock, gratified when she pitched forward, rocking back and squeaking when his balls slapped against her thighs. The angle, as he'd guessed, was different, and it shocked as much as it aroused.

His plans to give his wife a few nice orgasms were shattered when she moaned

"Love you… Dino." The blond mafioso drew in a breath. It was the very first time she'd said that, and… he did love her. Deeply, in fact. Rolling them once again, he snarled as he fucked them both into an oblivion of release, pleased when her scream sounded in his ears. Lying over her bonelessly, he hummed and told her

"Love you too." Maria stiffened beneath him, laughing and then moaning when she clenched around his cock again.

If they had a real conversation after that, and they confessed to what they were really feeling and thinking, well, we'll let that remain private.

 **A/N: Please email me with prompts! All fandoms I write for (or, challenge me to enter a new one). Also, check out the fan blog on my profile, if you please.**


	4. Ryohei's Hana (Colonello's Lal)

Waking to her husband's embrace was a very nice way to start the morning, Hana mused. Ryohei was exuberant in all aspects of life, but he liked quiet mornings. Or, well, he respected that she wasn't a morning person, so he cuddled up to her when he woke, on pain of crabby Hana if he did anything else. He was strong and warm, and he liked it when she watched him dress in his smart suits.

So she watched him rise from their bed that morning, brushing a kiss on her cheek before scooting out from under the blanket. Walking over to the ensuite, he fished the roll of sports tape from the drawer and briskly worked through wrapping his hands with a practiced ease. Leaning on the doorframe to watch Hana watch him as he pressed a bandage over the bridge of his nose, standing straight to walk into the closet. He comes out in the white boy shorts she likes on him, running his fingers through his hair before turning to the special rack where he'd draped his suit last night.

Hana's eyes remain fixed on him as he pulls on his socks, steps into his pants and pulls them up, widening his stance so he can pull on the yellow button down before buttoning and tucking it into his pants, zipping and buttoning them before sliding his belt in, pulling the strap through the buckle with a twist of his wrist. Ryohei likes this, likes that Hana _wants_ to watch him.

She rises from their bed, nude as he was, and takes his tie, looping it around his neck when he lifts the collar of his shirt, patting the collar and tie into place before reaching up to kiss him. Ryohei tilts his head to kiss her, and it's a slow, meaningful kiss, more than passion, more than the heat of lust. He licks into her mouth and melts her bones.

Not for the first time, Hana is thankful that Ryohei was mentored by Colonello. They may have different elements, but Colonello was the closest thing Ryohei had had to an actual father figure, not just someone who paid the bills. And oh, but it showed.

Colonello had always been so proud to stand at Lal's side, had always treated her as something, s _omeone_ for whom he would break all the rules. For heaven's sake, the man had only become Arcobaleno in an attempt to protect her!

And god, but Ryohei was a good student. Not just on the battlefield, but in love, and Hana couldn't be happier. He respected her strength, of course, her will and intelligence, too, but he loved her because she had been a friend to Kyoko when she hadn't really had one. Well, it had started that way, and then she'd learned to fight, learned to sync with the Guardians and she and Ryohei had _clicked,_ and things had grown from there.

In fact, after Ryohei did his days' work- patrolling part of Namimori, his workout and daily spar- he would meet her, Lal and Colonello for dinner while the other pair was in town.

This was a good day, so far, Hana decided, smiling gently through breakfast, and waving Ryohei off to work. Settling in front of her computer after waving Ryohei off, she began sifting through the information that had come in while she slept. There wasn't all that much, even with the emails from the restaurant and Lal, confirming reservations and meeting times and places.

By some absurd stroke of fate, both she and Lal were a few months pregnant. Hana's pregnancy (all three and a half months of it) hadn't been strenuous so far. She wasn't even chucking so much, and she was glad of it. Especially after Lal's tales of being bedridden for days, miserable even with Colonello waiting on her hand and foot.

Tonight was as much a celebration of Lal no longer being bedridden as it was a reunion between Colonello and Ryohei. Patting the softness of her belly, Hana slowly went about the housework. Sure, the doctor didn't want her doing anything strenuous, but sooner or later, her belly would be so distended she'd get where she was going faster if Ryohei carried her. She would enjoy her mobility while it lasted.

Later, after a snack and nap, Hana started getting ready for dinner. Ryohei came home as she stepped out of the shower. Her lips curved as he walked over to her, greeting her with a kiss in the middle of their room, trailing them down her neck, over and down her breasts as he pulled the towel down, laving his tongue over her baby bump as he knelt before her, nuzzling gently. Rocking onto the balls of her feet, Hana moaned as Ryohei ducked his head to suck on her clit, bracing her hips with his hands.

Once her got her off, Ryohei rose slowly, pulling Hana into his chest and holding her for a few minutes. Once he'd held her enough, he led her to a chair, seated her with a drink and an order to relax while he showered. A tinkling laugh was his answer.

Within twenty minutes, a freshly showered Ryohei came back and rummaged through the closet, returning with a very pretty kosode. Sun yellow dotted with black and white flowers, it was simple, but, as said, very pretty. Hana smiled softly as Ryohei carefully dressed her, down to the knot on the obi, kissing her cheek before dashing off to get dressed himself. Eyes crinkling at the corners from how handsome he was in the black pants and yellow hip length yukata, Hana allowed him to escort her to the car.

It took about half an hour to get to the upscale restaurant Ryohei had suggested and Hana had approved. The drive passed in a blur of low music and a darkening skyline, Ryohei's odd murmur caressing her ears.

Once the valet took the car, Ryohei took Hana's hand as the next car came in. Spying her husband's grin as he paused, Hana turned to see Colonello exiting the luxury sedan gracefully, neatly cut grey Italian suit emphasizing his lean build and highlighting his blue eyes. Tossing the keys to the new valet, he dashed around the front to open the passenger door, carefully assisting Lal Mirch to her feet. Licking her lips, Hana studied her friend and sometimes mentor.

Deep blue flared down her back, while a crimson gown accentuated the belly Lal wore like a badge of honor. Colonello guided her across the pavement to greet Ryohei and Hana. The women exchanged smiles as their men muttered to each other as they kept an eye on and an arm around their respective spouses. Pressing a kiss to her temple, Ryohei suggested

"Let's get in and get you ladies off your feet." Colonello nodded, brushing his lips on Lal's cheek before following Ryohei to host's booth. With a few precise words, Ryohei had them seated at a table in a private room. When Lal gripped Colonello's wrist, he nipped her ear and sat in the chair, helping her sink into his lap. She eased back into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

Clearing her throat, Hana tilted her head at her sort-of mother-in-law and asked

"You're only a week ahead of me. Twins?" Lal nodded, speaking softly as Colonello's eyes took on a worried cast.

"Yes. The doctor said how sick I've been is normal, but it's not even month four and I'm already exhausted." Ryohei shook his head and asked sympathetically

"Have you considered asking Tsuna for asylum?" Hana added

"You know Shamal is the in-house Doctor, and Tsuna would never turn you away." Lal sighed and pressed back into Colonello, responding when he didn't, preoccupied with stroking her as he was

"We've considered it, but Viper has actually suggested we go to Xanxus, considering what happened to Alessandra." The table fell silent, remembering how it had nearly torn the Varia apart, hearing the Boss' woman struggle to birth his son.

Shifting and clearing his throat, Colonello broke in

"There's a little time yet before we have make decisions, kora. Until then, what Lal wants, she gets." The look he directed at his wife was nothing short of worship.

Amused, Hana placed their orders as the waiter came in.

Other than both Colonello and Ryohei overriding the well-meaning waiter when he tried to pour them sake, dinner went well. They discussed the latest news and business, from Haru and Takeshi's new courtship to the newest Bellona being contracted to Lambo.

"Allegra, Alessandra's niece." Lal put in, still subdued and clinging to Colonello, but a little more open then when they began. Hana frowned and asked

"I thought she would have been promised to one of the Varia?" Colonello shook his head.

"Alessandra and Paola both promised Belphagor and Fran that they would be the first choices for their daughter's consorts." Royhei sighed and added

"Hibari's been freaking out because Cavallone promised that if their children decided to be contracted to each other, it wouldn't jeopardize the Alliance." Hana shuddered at the thought of Belphagor with a Bellona. Paola's (or, for that matter, Alessandra's) daughter would refuse unless Bel acted as _her_ rabid wolf.

If she understood correctly, that was how the Bellona system usually operated. A girl was given to a male because devoting herself to him and his cause was the best way to keep their girls' alive past puberty. While a Bellona bond wasn't _guaranteed_ to be sexual, most Bellona's liked fucking the men they served.

The men, like Colonello, would be thrust into the world when he could defend himself, ordered to find a woman or master he could serve until the day he died.

To date, the only currently active male Bellona's (usually called Sons of Bellona) were Colonello, which meant Ryohei by extension, and Erik Bellamy. The others were either grieving, striving to take the place they desired, or dead.

Most were dead.

It was a hard life, but it was how the Bellona had lived since entering the Mafia world, most specializing as snipers.

Shaking off the thoughts plaguing her, Hana sat through dinner, bade good-bye to Lal and Colonello, and returned home with her husband, patiently sitting through his attentions as he prepared for them to retire for the night.

Although she wouldn't be asleep for a while yet, Hana liked listening to Ryohei's breathing as he fell into sleep. It was a soothing constant in their sometimes chaotic life. No one was perfect, but Sasagawa Ryohei came damn close, she thought.

 **A/N: Please email me with prompts! The address is on my profile if you'd rather not pm. All fandoms I write for (or, challenge me to enter a new one). Also, check out the fan blog on my profile, if you please.**


	5. Kyouya's I-pin

**I-pin has Galactorrhea, where a woman spontaneously lactates.**

Hibari Ichirou flinched when he realized it wasn't his mother coming to get him from the principal's office.

Let me explain. Ichirou had gotten into trouble before, as a direct result of defying the asshole Disciplinary Committee.

Usually, his (young) loving mother I-pin would come to retrieve him, listen carefully to what was said and take him home, telling his father Kyouya about it when he got home. However, Ichirou had forgotten that he'd ranted to his father that most of the men at his school tried to flirt with his mother, assuming because of her youth she was a single mom. Ichirou had had several men try to inform him that they were going to get with his Mom.

They might try, but Ichirou understood his father was rabidly possessive of his mother because of their combined enemies. Oh yeah, he knew, he'd seen the hickies to prove it.

Still, Ichirou was pleasantly surprised when his father surveyed the principal, disciplinary douches, and the girl he'd been defending- his Bellona, Cavallone Miya- glaring when he realized that Ichirou's best friend Kusakabe Tetsurou and _his_ sort-of Bellona Sasagawa Hinako were also present.

In fact, Kyouya's growled

" _Ichirou_." Terrified bystanders. Squaring his shoulders, Ichirou reported

"The worthless herbivores tried to attack my pack, Otou-san, tried to take Miya from me." Miya herself looked at Kyouya with wet eyes and whimpered

"They were going to hurt Ichirou! I was very unladylike and I _screamed,_ Kyouya-oji-san." Tetsurou, arm around a silently weeping Hinako added

"It's as I-kun and Miya-san have said, Hibari-sama. They were defending themselves and each other." Nostrils flaring, Kyouya grunted

"Come." The principal was relieved when the four teens scrambled after the dark-haired man (Ichirou's _father,_ how had he not known the damn man existed?) when he stormed out.

Once they returned to the Hibari household, Kyouya instructed

"Be back in time to get ready for dinner, Ichirou, Miya. Dino and Maria are coming up from Kyoto tonight." Tetsurou and Hinako scurried off, giggling and snickering when Ichirou nearly tripped over himself to follow, Miya laughing in his wake.

Kyouya permitted himself a smile, though it faded as he jogged up the steps and into the house. I-pin had called while he himself was enroute from the airport. Aside from sounding tired, he didn't think there was anything _wrong_ with her, but then…

She had been training under him- that had been the deal, originally, he would train her from ages sixteen to eighteen and she would give him Ichirou, though they'd married before she ever got pregnant- when her breasts began to leak. His not-then little mate had been terrified but had asked him to either help her find a doctor or point her to someone who could help.

He had taken her personally, cradling her against his side when she trembled.

The doctor had informed them that she would likely always lactate, at least until menopause. Normally, I-pin used the pump when he was away and flushed the milk down the toilet, and when he was home, Kyouya nursed as often as she needed. He'd been delayed this time, so she was probably in pain, having foregone the uncomfortable pump because they'd thought he'd be home in time.

Silently padding into the room he shared with his mate-wife of several years, he bit back a curse when he took in the sight before him. I-pin was curled on her side, beneath the blanket that had been a wedding gift from Dino and Maria.

Kneeling beside her, he ran his right hand through her hair before using his left to rub her stomach and then rolling her onto her back. Black eyes glazed with pain gleamed up at him. Exhaling, Kyouya rested his face in her shoulder, revelling in being _home,_ holding her for a moment before drawing back to slide the sheet from her breasts, sighing. She'd not taken off her bra, and her breasts were fuller then he'd seen in quite a while. Of course his silly mate was in pain. Shaking his head, Kyouya carefully picked up I-pin, heaving her up his chest, gently setting her in his lap before unclasping her bra. Hefting her left breast in his right hand, he leaned down to fasten his mouth on her nipple, nursing with the ease of practice.

I-pin moaned above him, shuddering and gasping as he relieved the pressure in her breasts, tearing up as the pain eased. Reaching down to snap the hip straps of her panties, Kyouya jerked her face up to his mouth, peppering butterfly kisses over her mouth, nose and eyelids, using his fingers to stroke her to orgasm.

Grinning to himself, Kyouya luxuriated in his mates' cry of pleasure before easing her down onto her back, rising to strip off his clothes, snickering when I-pin tugged on his ankle, glaring at him. Licking into her mouth as he settled over her, Kyouya finally relaxed, settling into the familiar rhythms of fucking his wife.

I-pin shivered and shuddered beneath her husbands' warm weight. Her mouth spewed gibberish as Kyouya devoured her, demons' grin in place even when she laced her fingers through his hair. He jerked out of her hold, grabbing her wrists to pin them over her head, flipping her so he could pound into her from behind, her pants going straight to his cock. She cried out when he _moved,_ pulling them both to their feet, pulling out long enough to whirl her around and put her back to the wall, hoisting her up and driving back in.

She screamed as her vision whited out, barely hearing Kyouya's growl as he followed her over the edge of pleasure. He recovered first, nuzzling into her neck gently, humming in his throat when her eyes opened and she met his nose with her own. Breathing heavily, I-pin kept her arms around her husband, trembling when he carried her to the bathroom and started the bath. Instead of dropping her in and walking away, he sat on the toilet seat and wrapped her up in his arms, burying his nose in her hair.

"I missed you. And the brats." I-pin peers at her husband curiously, the whisper not something she usually heard. Kyouya levels a grey eyed stare at her and comments in his normal voice

"Our anniversary is coming up, isn't it, mate mine?" She nods, conscious that they have a dinner to attend, but he just hums and turns back to the bath, giving all his attention to washing her.

He doesn't bring up their anniversary again- at least, not to her- but I-pin is used to her mates' habits. Carnivore, mobster, man, none are exactly likely to remember certain dates.

And then she and Kyouya spend the first half of their anniversary with their children, laughing and loving and playing. Ichirou, their eldest, and Miya, his Bellona, take the two younger ones- their princess, Izayoi, and the six year old baby, Itachi- for an evening out, and Kyouya has a fistful of I-pins' favourite flowers and a bag of new toys for them to play with.

Together.

 **A/N:**

 **So, it's unintentional, but my chapters are getting shorter! I'm so sorry, I wanted to get this up because it's been more than two weeks. Anyway, I know what other oneshots I want to write, but the first person to comment one of the pairs in my list will choose the next Screw You chapter. Here's your choices:**

 **-Carmen/Romario**

 **-Haru/Takeshi**

 **-Kyoko/Tsuna**

 **-Nana/Iemitsu**

 **-Allegra/Lambo**

 **-Chrome/Ken**

 **-Bianchi confronts Sofia over Hayato**

 **-Xanxus/Alessandra**

 ***although most of the backstory is semi established, I AM accepting suggestions**

 **Please email me with prompts! The address is on my profile if you'd rather not pm. All fandoms I write for (or, challenge me to enter a new one). Also, check out the fan blog on my profile, if you please.**


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